In the modern world, the ability to communicate with other people not only provides opportunities for better relationships with the people in my life, but also opportunities for professional development and advancement. Communication skills are important in every area of my life. Whether I communicate with the members of my family, with the members of my church small group, or with my co-workers in the organizational setting, my communication affects those people around me. Interpersonal communication skills, group communication skills, and organizational communication skills demonstrate my overall level of competency, as well as point out the areas I need to work on in order to become a professional communicator.
Verbal Communication
Spoken language skills are important in daily interpersonal communication. Without spoken language skills, verbal communication is impossible. In fact, as Sarah Trenholm (2008) points out that, according to the social constructionist model of communication, “we construct our world through communication” (p. 28). We learn about the world we live in from other people, like parents, teachers, and friends. Thus, our knowledge about the world we live in comes mainly from the community by which we are surrounded. According to the social constructionist model of communication, “If everyone around us talks about the world in a certain way, we are likely to think of the world in that way and fail to question whether we are seeing things accurately” (Trenholm, 2008, p. 29). For example, when I was growing up in Belarus, the cultural traditions and values, the knowledge of the social norms were explained to me by my family members, teachers, and friends in the language that I could understand. This knowledge served as the foundation for understanding the society I lived in. Language, then, as Sarah Trenholm (2008) points out, “has powerful effects on the ways that we think about and experience the world” (p. 73). Not only do the verbal communication skills help us to learn about the world around us, these skills are also essential in order to initiate friendships and build relationships.
Verbal communication skills are useful when it comes to creating and maintaining human relationships. Based on my ability to start and maintain a conversation, as well as maintain the existing relationships in my life, I would say that my verbal communication skills are strong. My verbal communication can differ significantly depending on how well I know the person who I communicate with and the level of trust and self-disclosure that exists between us. For example, I do not use the same communication skills when communicating with a stranger that I use when communicating to people I have known for a long time. When I meet someone for the very first time, I try to keep the level of self-disclosure at the minimum level, while engaging the person into a small talk. Usually, small talk leads to discovering what the stranger and I have in common. Discussing common interests, in turn, may eventually lead to a friendship. Gerard Millerand and Mark Steinberg (cited in Trenholm, 2008) maintain that people communicate differently with each other based on how well they know each other and their social involvement with each other (p. 134). When two strangers start a conversation, according to Miller and Steinberg (cited in Trenholm, 2008), they use cultural-level rules that “tell us to use polite, fairly formal form of address” (2008, p. 134). This conversation often involves a small talk and a very insignificant level of self-disclosure. When I communicate with a stranger, I use formal language and try to do my best to leave a favorable first impression. The cultural-level rules are especially important during a job interview.
Sociological-level rules replace the cultural-level rules in the communication situations involving people who belong to the same social group. Thus, when I communicate with my co-workers at work, I use this set of rules, that according to Miller and Steinberg (cited in Trenholm, 2008), is characterized by less formal language and involves people who often share the same interests (p. 134). When I communicate with my co-workers, we usually discuss issues related to work. The level of self-disclosure in these relationships although slightly higher than that between complete strangers, is not quite significant. For example, I do not share my problems with my co-workers because the personal information is likely to be shared with other people, and I do not want other people gossiping about me behind my back.
The last set of rules, is called psychological-level rules. According to Miller and Steinberg, these rules are intended to use among people who know each other personally. The best part about these rules, in my opinion, that the communicators have freedom to “make up the rules” (Trenholm, 2008, p. 134). Family members and friends take me for who I am; therefore, when I communicate with them, I can use informal language and even words that only people who are close to me can understand. Also, I have an unlimited choice of topics when I communicate with my family members and friends. The level of self-disclosure between family members and friends is high. In fact, these are the people who I can completely confide in and trust.
Romantic and intimate relationships are governed by psychological-level rules. Unlike friendships, these relationships require more trust and a high level of self-disclosure. The quality of friendships and marriages depend largely on verbal communication skills. According to Terri Orbuch, a research scientist at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan, “Research consistently has shown a link between happy marriages and “self-disclosure,” or sharing your private feelings, fears, doubts and perceptions with your partner” (cited in Schoenberg, 2011). The more information my husband and I share with each other, the closer our relationship grows.
Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal communication is used to complement the verbal communication. According to the author of the article Miramichi Leader (2011), “When we speak to another person, they receive two messages. One of the messages is sent in the words we have spoken. The other is in the way the message is delivered.” When the verbal message is contradicted by the non-verbal message, a miscommunication can occur. For example, when I say hello to my husband when he gets home from work, but my head is turned in the opposite direction, he may think that I am saying hello to the neighbor. Thus, when communicating with other people, it is important that my non-verbal messages do not contradict the verbal messages.
When I communicate with somebody, I develop a certain set of personal characteristics about that person that are called constructs. Sarah Trenholm (2008) defined constructs as personal “characteristics that we notice on a daily basis about others” (p. 48). When communicating with people, I pay attention to intellectual, descriptive, which can be subdivided into positive and negative, appearance-oriented, and gender characteristics. These characteristics are important in order to remember people whom I socialize with.
Non-verbal communication is especially important in intimate relationships. According to a study (cited in Schoenberg, 2011), non-verbal communication, such as “affective affirmation,” which is defined as “behavior that makes your partner feel loved, cared for or special” contributes to healthy and happy relationship between the spouses. For example, when I give my husband a hug and a kiss when he comes home after a long day at work, he feels loved and appreciated. Simple actions, like hugs and kisses, speak louder than words.
The Importance of Listening
Listening skills are also important in interpersonal communication. Not only do I listen to verbal communication, but I also pay close attention to non-verbal communication. Listening to verbal and non-verbal clues is important in order to understand what the speaker is really trying to say and to interpret the message correctly. According to one study, (cited in Janusik, Fullenkamp, & Partese, 1996), “In a spoken message, 55% of the meaning is translated non-verbally, 38% is indicated by the tone of voice, while only 7% is conveyed by the words used.” Another study (cited in Janusik, Fullenkamp, & Partese, 1996) determined that “Spoken words only account for 30-35% of the meaning. The rest [of information] is transmitted through nonverbal communication that only can be detected through visual and auditory listening.” By listening carefully to the nonverbal message as well as to the speaker’s words, one can make sure that the personal constructs I create about others are correct.
Using listening skills helps me to enlarge my understanding of the speaker’s message as well as to expand my cognitive complexity about the people I communicate with. According to Sarah Trenholm (2008), “cognitive complexity occurs when an individual has a large, rich, and varied set of personal constructs to combine seemingly contradictory characteristics in creative ways, realizing that people are not all good or all bad” (p. 49). Cognitive complexity enables me to communicate with people who in my perception are different than me. This is one area of communication that I would like to improve. By improving social complexity I hope to minimize the biases that I might hold toward others. Holding biases toward others, in my opinion, is the main reason that prevents me from establishing meaningful friendships. Using cognitive complexity skills will help me to establish a positive impression of a person and possibly to find common interests with that person. Thus, cognitive complexity can be a very helpful communication tool using which will enable me to become a better communicator.
Relationships and Conflicts
Verbal and nonverbal communication skills, listening skills, and cognitive complexity skills are helpful to initiate and establish and maintain healthy and stable relationships with others. Based on my ability to initiate, establish and maintain relationships with others, I would say that my relationship skills are better than average. Although there are successful intimate relationships, all intimate relationships face certain tensions from time to time that are called, according to Leslie Baxter and William Rawlins (cited in Trenholm, 2008), “the expressive-protective, the autonomy-togetherness, and the novelty-predictability dialectics” (p. 136). How couples deal with these tensions determines the success or failure of their relationships.
All three of the dialectical tensions have a potential to lead to conflicts that may ruin relationships. Fortunately, in my relationship with my husband we do not experience any tensions mainly because we communicate about any issue that carries a potential threat to our relationship. Interpersonal communication skills, in my opinion, provide the key to dealing with these tensions and saving the relationships. One communication technique that I find the most useful in my marriage is the problem solving. According to Sarah Trenholm (2008), “problem solving means sitting down together, directly expressing interests, defining problems clearly, and finding positions that best serve everyone’s interests” (p. 155). Problem solving leads to win-win conflict resolution.
Group Communication
Group communication skills are also important for daily interactions. Whether I am communicating with my family group, my co-workers, or people from church, I use my group communication skills. Based on the way different groups confirm my self-perception, I would say that I have good group communication skills. When talking about certain characteristics that I possess when I communicate with my group at work, other group members may call me knowledgeable, detail-oriented, result-driven, innovative, and problem-solution-seeker. Based on these qualities, I usually strive to take conflict-solving roles within a group.
The group roles that I usually take include those of opinion giver, harmonizer, orienter, initiator-contributor, and compromiser. According to the role descriptions provided in the textbook, by using my initiator-contributor role effectively, I “suggest new ideas to group or offer new way of regarding group problem” (Trenholm, 2008, p. 176). I enjoy being the one coming up with creative ideas and solutions. By being an opinion giver, I usually comment on other member’s opinions and tell them how much I appreciate them. By being a harmonizer, I try to keep peace in the group among the group members. My communication skills help me to find an adequate solution for any conflict that may arise. Sometimes, it is a good idea to find a compromise when I do not agree with a solution that another member has proposed. As an orienter, I usually paraphrase the group agenda to make sure that everyone understands the information, and what is expected of the group members.
I find open communication between the group members very important. One research study has pointed out that, “Communication openness [in a group] is important for effective decision making” (Breen, Fetzer, Howard, & Preziosi, 2005, p. 216). When working as a group, each member contributes his or her own opinion and idea. Taking into account every idea and opinion when looking for a solution to a problem, leads to well-informed decisions and successful plans of actions. Overall, as a group, we can find better solutions and come up with better ideas than what a single person could come up with.
To be successful in an organization, I have to possess certain work-related, personal, and technology-related skills that would show my current and potential employer that I have essential knowledge and ability to perform my job-related tasks in a professional and efficient manner. The more work-related skills I have under my belt, the easier it will be for me to begin a career as an interpreter, or a public relations specialist in the future.
In my current position as a part-time store sales associate, I have to exhibit such work-related skills as customer service skills, new employee training skills, and cash register operating skills. By performing my work-related tasks successfully combining them with my personal attributes, such as strong attention to detail, interpersonal communication skills, and good time management skills, I often receive cash incentives and appreciation from the store management team. Using my work-related skills and my personal attributes together, thus, increases my chances of getting a job promotion in the future.
Interpersonal communication skills, group communication skills, and organizational communication skills are helpful when it comes to interpersonal, group, and organizational interactions. Using the interpersonal communication skills, group communication skills, and organizational communication skills successfully demonstrates my professionalism in communication. The communication skills that I already possess and the ones that I am yet to acquire during my studies here at Ashford University will make me a valuable asset to any organization that I may work for in the future. Whether I am communicating to a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or a group of people, communication skills help me to establish meaningful and productive relationships with other people, as well as provide successful conflict resolution strategies. Communication, thus, plays a vital role in my daily life.
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